Living in Thailand is funny. Pretty much every day I am confronted by something weird, unpredictable, and mind-blowing. To say that I have gotten used to the oddities is an understatement, because at this point of my life, I just expect things to be a bit strange. In fact, the one thing I have recognized is THE BIGGEST SECRET IN THE WORLD. Are you ready?? Here it is:
I will never have it all figured out.
This sent me on a questioning journey and I’ve realized some interesting cultural things. First of all, us westerners are obsessed “figuring it all out”. Until I changed cultures, I thought this was normal. But having lived abroad since 2008, I’m learning that it is just western cultures that stress themselves out about this. For some reason, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to try to figure our whole life out and the question I’m posing here today is this…
WHY?
Why do we have the need to Figure It All Out?
Is it making us HAPPY? Is it making us RELAXED? Is it making us REAL?
After spending much time questioning this in my own head and my own life, I have realized that the answer is: NO!!
The pressure to have our “act together” is making us Unhappy, Stressed-Out, and Fake. But, here is the problem…. Everybody’s doing it!! This blog is just a little wake-up call for us to be a little more honest with each other, and a little more honest with ourselves.
The Biggest Secret in the World
OK, brace yourself! I’m going to let you in on the biggest secret in the world. But first, some dramatic build up…
Most of us feel the need to self-promote, showcase our abilities, and act as if we have got everything all figured out. Looking back, I think this was the most stressful part of being an American. Almost everyone there was portraying an image that they had their shit together, and knew what they were doing.
It wasn’t until I started my consulting practice that I realized The Biggest Secret In The World. Each business owner would reluctantly tell me after some amount of time, and almost in a whisper of desperation,
“I have absolutely NO Idea what I’m doing!”
And after working in the field of transformational change for mahy years now, I can honestly answer the same way I always have,
“It’s OK, nobody does.”
Nobody. It’s True! So relax, because…
Nobody Has it “All Figured Out”
I think much of the problem and stress that comes from our “Civilized Society” stems from people pretending to have it all figured out. After all, if everyone around you is playing the “I have it all figured out” game, you naturally assume that you need to do the same.
The fantasy becomes a reality when suddenly we actually believe that everyone has their life sorted, and we become anxious, nervous, and depressed trying to play catch up and figure it out too. This obsession spirals out of control by then mixing our own personal identity with societies’ goals and eventually we realize we can’t do it all.
All we can do is to help people with what we do know, and figure out the rest as we go along.
Not that we can’t have our own personal dream…. In fact, it is just the opposite. We cannot realize our own personal dream if we are trying to look perfect by everyone else’s standards. We can only find our true self, and our true happiness once we abandon the idea of looking perfect, or acting like we have it all figured out.
Just Figure Out Yourself
Once we understand this, and stop playing by everyone else’s rules, we can begin to focus on our own individual needs and dreams. We can focus on what we want specifically from life, and what skills and gifts we want to bring to the party. The game changes as we realize that other people’s opinions matter less and less, and we begin to put our own happiness at the forefront of our lives.
I will be the first to admit that I don’t have it all figured out!! My wants, needs, and desires have changed over the years, but what I can say is that I have sorted out how to align my life with the lifestyle of my dreams. When my wants or needs change, I adapt my plan and behaviors. I’ve accepted that this is going to be an ongoing process, and that I will never be done, finished, or perfect. The best that I can hope for at any given moment is to be real.
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