Sometimes, when you really want something in life, you have to go it alone. Being a female traveling solo and going it alone can be an overwhelming and scary adventure, at first. With all of my travels in my life I have had somewhat of an itinerary, except now. This makes for an interesting scenario. First, I don’t know where I’m going, and then, I don’t know how long I will stay. While this is exciting and fun, it can feel like a bit of an emotional rollercoaster at times, too! It also makes for some strange conversations. People don’t understand what I’m doing and I can’t tell them where I’m going. Hmmm. ‘We’ll just leave that girl alone!’
Female Traveling Solo
However, being alone is a very real part of life. Most of us avoid it like the plague because it means that we will have to feel uncomfortable, or scrutinized by others wondering why we are by ourselves. This becomes even more the truth when you don’t know the language others are speaking (so they must be talking about you). These were my initial worries going out to my mystery destination all alone. And, after doing this for many years now, I am happy to say I am much more comfortable traveling alone.
So far, I have come up with these tips for those traveling solo…
Make friends with the locals
Most of the people that live here are shop owners and run bungalows. The good news for me is that I know they will be there every day. Sometimes just seeing a familiar face is enough to get you out of a ‘travel funk’, and into higher spirits. My favorite friend here is Ploy, she runs the bungalow where I live and each day she teaches me a new word in Thai.
Take the time you need for introspection
It has been difficult for me to stop myself from running out and making friends with the whole town right away. I am inherently a “Chatty Kathy” and it is hard for me to be quiet, and even harder for me to sit still (school was a nightmare). When I arrived here I promptly got an eye infection and a cold. It was as if the Universe was telling me: stay put! Reluctantly I listened and spent the next several days just hanging out at the bungalow or going to the beach by myself. When you are quiet and no one else is talking to you, it is a great way to observe all of the chatting that is still going on in your head. I was amazed that I was still talking for weeks even though no one else could hear. The head voice hasn’t completely halted, but it has at least gotten off of the RedBull!
Find your natural rhythm
I was also able to get into a natural rhythm with myself. Not having to be anywhere on anyone else’s terms, I was able to really see what my patterns were and make up a new schedule that fit my needs. I now wake up and do Thai Chi and Chi Kung, read, and then go out for the day. I come back around five, nap and then go to dinner. I usually spend my evenings reading, writing or going to an internet café. I have found that this is a more productive use of my time and gives me the most enjoyment throughout the week.
Learn the language
One of my new favorite pastimes is learning how to speak in Thai. Because the language is tonal, I can work on learning the phonetics at night and then correct my tones during the day. I practice every chance I get. When someone tells me how much something is in English, I respond with how I think it might be said in Thai. This gives me the opportunity to hear it again with the correct tone. Then, I do the same thing with getting my change, or ordering my food. Everyone I have tried this with has been excited that I was trying to learn their language… and I can spend the bulk of my day interacting with the locals and taking in their culture.
People watching
…has become my new reality show. I now pick out chairs in restaurants that will give me the best view of the street. I watch bustling vendors, young couples on motorbikes, and farong (tourists) shuffling about with their sunburns. At most points in time there are several different languages going on all around me. I try to figure out where people are from: France, Germany, Sweden, Switzerland.
Watching the Thai people interact has taught me more about their culture than any tour book could ever tell. If you are observant, you can pick up on what is going on in most situations. I really appreciate the Thai culture and their ability to be Mai Pen Rai or accepting and unbothered by life’s dramas.
Get a great book
Find a bookstore and get into a book. Having a fun read is essential when trying to relax and go with the flow. This can also be a great crutch to have with you as you go out for meals by yourself.
Connect with other travelers online
There are other cool people planning trips in your area. www.couchsurfing.com is a great tool for meeting others and coordinating travel with others. Go on, if you haven’t already, and create a profile for when and where you are travelling. This site is great because in your duller moments (i.e. when you are not travelling) you can host other travelers and invite them to meet up with or stay with you. Several of the wonderful new friends I’ve met here have been through www.facebook.com. Because I had communicated on there where I was and my latest updates, other friends of mine connected me with folks that either lived there or were passing through. This ‘friend of a friend’ acquaintance can make you feel much closer to home and help you to build your new network of friends.
Send mail
Send postcards. Sending mail back home can make you feel more connected. Sharing your experiences can motivate friends and family and make them feel like they are a part of your journey.
Spend time emailing friends and family and letting them know how and why you appreciate them. Often times when we are home, we fail to realize the full depth and appreciation we have for others in our lives. Maybe now is the time to reach out and let people know how special they are to you.
Go Out on Your Own
Bars? I put a question mark after this one because it could go either way. After arriving in a new town, I spent the first week quite sick. I finally pulled myself together, more out of boredom than recovery and walked down to a local Irish pub. Feigning interest in the football game on TV, I was joined by a nice couple at the bar. Shortly thereafter we were talking about US politics (a subject I feel woefully uninterested and undereducated to represent) with a gentleman from Sweden and his new Thai girlfriend. About thirty minutes into our dialog he is up and starts walking out. I turned around and he said, “I’m sorry, but we have to go now, my girlfriend HATES you.” Oops.
Try, Try Again
Fast forward two weeks and I stopped in another lovely restaurant/ bar and met a fantastic group of people who have been instrumental in helping me to find a place to rent, invited me to parties, and have generally been nothing short of lifesavers. When at first you don’t succeed (at a bar)… try, try again!
Adventuring solo. Try booking a group activity where you are sure to meet other people. Rock climbing, scuba diving, snorkeling, and touring are some activities that are popular here. You are bound to have opportunities to talk to others on the trips and hopefully have folks to hang with afterwards.
When all else fails, go to a franchise. As I was guiltily breaking my budget and healthy diet at Starbucks, I looked up at a board where passer-byers had scribbled notes. The one that caught my eye was, “Starbucks: You Saved My Life!” and I knew exactly what they meant. Sometimes there is nothing more that you need when you are travelling than something grounding and familiar. Since I have been away, I have frequented places I never used to eat like McDonalds and Subway. It is really more about having something familiar and comforting. Having an iced chai latte with a double chocolate brownie really can fix any problem in the world!
And in the end, you can fall back on the advice of my mother who simply put it, “Honey, you’re never really alone.”
