“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
William James
There’s a lot of talk these days about the Law of Attraction. Many books are out there discussing how to focus your thoughts and get what you want by thinking positive thoughts. More importantly than just focusing on the stuff that you want, I believe that the quality of our life comes from the quality of our thoughts. It is as simple as this: if you spend the bulk of your day having pleasant thoughts, you will have a good day. On the contrary, if you have miserable thoughts, your day will suck. We all have moments of getting caught up in the drama of our lives, so here are some quick tips of things I’ve learned to begin to change your thinking.
Observing Your Thoughts
Our minds are like any environment. The conditions need to be right for good ideas to grow. Thoughts grow from having an open mind and ‘can do’ attitude. Try to observe the thoughts you have and notice what patterns come up. If it is too difficult at first to notice your thinking, listen to the words you say about different topics. Are you closing down to people, experiences, or certain areas of your life? What areas do you find yourself saying the words “I can’t”? Get to know the areas of your life that you seem defensive about. Where are your buttons pushed, and by whom?
Noticing Patterns
Once you have begun to notice your thoughts, the next step is to observe any patterns that go along with them. Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, see what you are reacting to. Patterns of behavior are more predictable than you think. Take a moment to consider your reactions to the following questions:
When things go “wrong” what do I do?
What people seem to get under my skin? Why?
What areas of my life seem to always “go wrong”?
Linking Your Thinking to your Feelings
A great indicator of our thinking is our feelings. If we are feeling frustrated, upset, or just having an off day, it is worth exploring our thought processes. When we take time to get to know our own emotional reactions, we can learn more about ourselves and where we are staying stuck. Rather than responding to unfavorable situations and escalating the tension, try to remain calm, and explore your emotional reaction later during quiet time.
I recently had a situation where a friend really upset me. I have been reading three different books about mind training and decided to try to do what they said. I remained calm, focused on my breathing, and tried to not take it personally. Later, I spent quite a bit of time going through the scenario in my head. Rather than asking myself “Why did they say that to me?” I asked myself, “Why am I so reactive to that comment?”
I continued to ask questions and dig deeper until I found the source of the pain. I realized I was being reactive to a comment because it made me feel devalued. Because I had a strong reaction to males making me feel this way growing up, I experienced pain. I spent time working through these older issues and realized what my friend had actually given me was a gift. I had an opportunity to realize an old pattern, find the root cause, and forgive an old situation I had been holding onto for years!
Many of us have these Reactive Filters. We react strongly, or overreact to people in situations that remind us of old hurts. We try to justify our own behavior by lashing out or making the situation worse. We do have the choice to turn hurtful situations into learning opportunities. We can sit uncomfortably through moments and find the source later. We can notice how these reactive behaviors are keeping us stuck and determine to work through them. Next time you feel you are getting your buttons pushed, look deeper to see where the root of this thought process is coming from, and see if you can reprogram your old pattern.
Reprogramming our Thoughts for Better Results
The less reactive we are, the less drama that surrounds our lives. When we can go into our own lives and take responsibility for our reactions, we free up space for better patterns. By reprogramming our thoughts, we improve the quality of our lives. We learn how to find more enjoyable thoughts to focus on throughout the day. And, the better our thoughts, the happier our days.
“The calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others; and they, in turn, reverence his spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of him and rely upon him. The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good.”
-James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
